The Beginning is coming to an end, and who hasn’t been stuck in a cycle of pain?How to break it depends on yourself
One of the best TV dramas to start the year 2022 is the Beginning. When the eighth episode was aired, some fans made a statistics. The show has been trending more than 300 times on Weibo in just five days.The bureau is a weekly drama, and ushered in its final episode on Tuesday night. The Beginning was updated at 8 o ‘clock on time, and netizens who had been expecting it for a long time posted “Do you know how I have been this week?How have you been?I’m still waiting for the beginning to update.We’re all the same. I’m just waiting for the Beginning to end.In the beginning, the heroine Li Shiqing and the hero Xiao Heyun walked into the explosion cycle, they returned to the bus again and again, want to stop the explosion.The loop – change plot on TV is interesting.But in fact, our daily life is constantly in the cycle, everyone will unconsciously compulsive repetition of many things, but many people just repeat, but no change.Compulsive repetition Psychologist Sigmund Freud found in his observation of children that after experiencing a painful or happy event, children will unconsciously create the same opportunities repeatedly in order to experience the same emotions.He calls this behavior “obsessive repetition.”Neuroscience also says that each time a neural circuit is used in a certain way, the nicks get deeper.It’s too easy to live in our own repetition.In relationships, we unconsciously develop deep and intense interactions with a certain type of person, even if this person is a man who cheats on women’s feelings, even if he hurts you over and over again.We do things the same way over and over again.We know we need to build a good relationship with our colleagues, but we repeatedly screw it up.For example, we are very tired, but still habitually put a lot of things on the back of the body.In fact, “not falling in the same place” is really hard to do;”A fall into the pit, a gain in your wisdom” is not so easy, unless the “fall” is memorable.But if it hurts enough, we can “once bitten, twice shy” and fall into a cycle of fear and repetition.Obsessive repetition is Meaningful. Don’t think of people who repeat themselves as boring. Obsessive repetition makes psychological sense.First of all, every repetition is an opportunity for change, and every cycle is for healing.For example, in the Beginning, if the hero and heroine want to save the bus explosion, they have to go back to the beginning of the accident again and again. Only then can they search enough information and improve their methods again and again, and finally complete the rescue.The same is true in the real world. The only way to truly heal is to return to the injured place.For example, if a girl can’t help falling in love with the same type of guy, but that type of guy always hurts her, it’s probably because she came from a family where her father was such a character.She may have been neglected and loved by her father and hurt by his father.So she subconsciously meets the same type of people, trying to prove that she can be loved and cared for.Every repeat traumatised person has an unconscious belief that “this time, I can change.”Second, repeated trauma may increase our trauma tolerance;Some women are still able to live under the fear and bullying of abusive men. When we are shocked that she is able to endure such injuries without leaving, it means that she has unconsciously increased her tolerance to injuries.Finally, over and over again, we get a sense of familiarity with painful relationships, and familiarity brings a sense of control, and control is security.Many people would rather stay in a relationship that is being hurt than leave it because it has a familiar smell and she knows how to survive a bad relationship.But she doesn’t know how to make new relationships, how to make good relationships.It’s uncharted territory, full of uneasiness and fear.Compulsive repetition is meaningful, but for painful repetition, we should try to let ourselves out.There are some people in the past that you really can’t change on your own.We also need to break compulsive repetition if we want to live a better life and experience a richer life.How to get out of compulsive repetition?The Beginning is also a good example.The first is to be aware of the things or relationships that are being repeated, and to recognize that we are trapped in a cycle of repetition.Like Li Shiqing, she only finds a way to change repetition when she realizes she is trapped in it.Second, recount your trauma and acknowledge what kind of pain you’re going through.Talk to a trusted friend or family member, or a counselor, about your hurt.When we are able to describe and discuss the events in detail, we gain conscious control over the repetitive behavior.Just like Li Shiqing and Xiao Heyun, they keep talking about repeated events, and they keep finding ways to defuse the explosion.Although this process will fail many times.But in the narration and discussion, we can have a clearer understanding of repeated trauma;And when we are able to describe the pain we have experienced, the pain has a chance to be seen, it has a chance to be healed, it has a chance to break out of the cycle of pain repetition;Third, learn to establish new perceptions.People who are already engaged in trauma repetition, try to locate the trauma to a time and place in the past.Emphasize to yourself that “I live in the present moment.” Emphasize that the past is the past and the present is the present.Each person trapped in a repetitive painful relationship needs to establish a new understanding: “I can learn healthy ways to protect myself as an adult, and I can make a conscious choice not to engage in relationships and behaviors that I know are damaging.”Even more, I would really suggest that people who are stuck in the pain of repetition, write this down, write down the ways they need to learn to protect themselves, put them on the wallpaper of their phone, stick them on the bed, remind themselves every moment, until it is imprinted in their mind.When you force yourself to engage in positive behavior change, and keep repeating actions or thoughts that benefit you, I believe that the benefits of positive repetition will eventually outweigh the painful repetition.Everyone has been trapped in a cycle of pain, how to break, mainly depends on yourself.Study psychology, to have more cognition of oneself, to have more cognition of people’s psychology, can solve many difficulties in life faster.Want to learn psychological knowledge, want to become a psychological consultant, welcome to pay attention to “Huaxia Siyuan”, Huaxia Siyuan focus on psychology professional education for 13 years, is your professional learning road can not be missed mentor.